Why should I give a FOCCE?

There has never been a more important time to ensure that your future is safe and secure. The traditional clown and children’s entertainer is being attacked from all sides: kids want their Wii’s, parents want an all-purpose baby-sitter and petty local councillors want to outlaw the simple delights of the swing-plank-and-dodge routine.

Below are just a few of the reasons why you should consider paying for FOCCE protection:

Health and safety in the workplace

Sick of tripping up over your size 30 shoes? Had your (red) nose put out of joint by a badly thrown custard pie? Your throat been nicked once too often by a spinning bow tie? One of our FOCCE-trained health and safety officers will enrol you on our ‘Banana Skins Workshop’, which consists of three half-days in a cold Methodist Hall on a high road near you. Here you will learn basic first aid, recovery positions and how to get wallpaper paste out of your hair or wig.

The Cairoli Foundation

Charlie Cairoli was one of our founding members and was one of the first clowns to bring elements of the Italian commedia dell’arte into UK clowning, as well as a clarinet-playing Pierrot. It is in his memory that we set up the Cairoli Foundation to help older clowns enjoy a comfortable and hygienic retirement.

It can be a difficult decision to hang up the nose, but when the time comes FOCCE will ensure you a place at the Krusties Retirement Home. Residents will be treated to non-stop Charlie Chaplin films on the lounge TV, a pair of size 30 slippers, meals-on-wheels from Ronald Macdonald and a full Clown Fun-eral when the almighty Grock decides to bring the curtain down on your career (life).

Welcome to FOCCE

the Federation of Clowns and Children’s Entertainers.

FOCCE is a trade union for professionals working in the clowning industry. We are not affiliated to any political party – except the children’s party!

We are however affiliated to the Trades Unions Congress, and FOCCE delegates attend (and bring a dose of much needed colour to!) the annual TUC conference as a means of bringing clowning issues to a wider audience. So join now and become a lifelong FOCCER!

Make-up copyright

It’s amazing in this day and age just how many of the younger clowns coming into the industry have not yet registered their make-up on an egg! It’s a tradition that goes back to Grimaldi and one which FOCCE members proudly uphold. Upon your enrolment you will be provided with a size 4 egg (free range) upon which to paint and thereby copyright your unique clown look. NOTE: the eggs are not hard-boiled, blown or glazed by us – DO NOT return the eggs to us in the post, or the yolk will be on you. Here is an ‘application’ for you to practice your new look!

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Anger Management

It may not be the trendy opinion of the day, but most of our members will privately acknowledge that, on the whole, children are little bastards. When you turn up to do your party or entertainment, you can guarantee that at least one of these little ****s will try to disrupt everything you do. How do we deal with this? Not like Mr Krumbles of Woking who was recently jailed for repeatedly rabbit-punching a 7 year-old before being pulled off by two dads and a caretaker.* Our FOCCE ‘Red Mist’ anger management pack provides you with a pamphlet on breathing techniques, 20 fags, an aromatherapy candle and a cushion with a child’s face on it to punch.

*His defence that “the child was looking at my willy” did not stand up in court and Mr Krumbles was placed on the Child Offenders Register and given an 18 month sentence for ABH.